Now that I've been accepted into a couple of bootcamps, you would think that the stars have aligned and my path towards a software engineer title would be obvious. However, I have to admit that I'm REALLY SCARED.
Don't mind me as I type out loud, and get quite personal! And frankly, have a bit of a freakout.
I'm scared because going to a bootcamp is something that I REALLY want to do, but it is also a seriously expensive investment. Unfortunately I do not come from a rich family who can help me out more than offering me a place to lay my head if all my life plans fail, which I am still very grateful for so don't take that the wrong way! I would have to take out another loan to cover the full amount of tuition, when I already pay a lot in student loans every month for my undergraduate degree.
I'm scared because not only will I be signing up for more debt, but I will also be required to quit my job for at least 9 weeks to however long it would take me to find a job. That is bloody terrifying!
I'm scared because I don't know how long or if I will find a programming job afterwards. I can only try to be optimistic about it all, convincing myself it'll all work out and that it'll be worth it. But, will it?
I'm scared because I've recently moved house with my boyfriend who currently has a job, but it's contractual. If I go for this, I will need his support. He doesn't earn enough to cover my share of bills/rent, but as a team we will at least need one consistent steady income. What if they don't extend his contract?
I'm scared because I have savings, but it'll only take me so far. Again, who knows how long it'll take to find a job afterwards?
I'm scared of failing.
I'm just really scared!!!
It's like I've got two little guys on my shoulders, whispering in my ear; I'm not sure who to call the angel and who is playing the devil! One is telling me, "You are young. High risks = high rewards. Go for it while you're hopeful and ambitious. If you fail, you still have time to recover. GO FOR IT, GIRL! You don't have kids to worry about! You're investing in yourself, your career and future. The time is now! What's the worst that could happen? Sure, things may get uncomfortable but you aren't going to die!" The other is telling me, "ARE YOU CRAZY?! That's WAY too risky. You're going to be homeless. It'll be hard. You're going to struggle. You are going to FAIL! Why create hardship? Just play it safe! You can't afford it. You're going to eff up your credit. DON'T DO IT SHANA! Study on your own. You can do this by yourself, just be patient."
I don't know what to do! ... help?